CHEERS! to a long weekend in the summer! is there anything better? Especially when the weather is absolutey perfect - like today!

We got off to a bit of a rough start. Cuy was cranky and Sean wanted to go to the park. So we grease them up with sunscreen and Cuy is still crying. We get Cam on his bike, Cuy in the stroller - he's still crying. We get walking and halfway down the street - he's still crying. See...when we go out the front door, Cuyler thinks we're going in the van. And sometimes when we don't...he just freaks out and has a tantrum. Like this morning. Add to it all the old man across the street shouting out some bullshit that he usually does. "You gonna let him keep crying like that?" "SHUT THE F UP and mind your own business" I really wanted to shout back, but as usual...we ignore him.

So I say to Sean "If he's still crying at the townhouses, I'm going home. I'm not going to the park with him like this." Sean tells me to just go home...so I do.
I get home, get my workout clothes on, grab my mp3 player and head out for my power walk. 45 minutes - fresh air, no husband, no kids, MY music and nothing else. I SO needed that today. I felt so good when I got back and everybody was in a great mood after that.

Sometimes I just can't deal with the little things. Like yesterday when I spoke with the woman from subsidy. I cried when I got off the phone. It just hit me that we are now "one of those families" with a special needs child. Who gets subsidy because their child has special needs. I don't know. It sounds stupid now...but at the time it upset me. Just like Cuyler crying this morning. It's pms...I know it is. I can feel it in my temperament.

I always wonder...if God is going to give me a special needs child - could he lay off my PMS at least?!!? It's hard to deal with both at the same time.

I just love this weekend so far. Sean "worked from home" yesterday...so it felt like Saturday. Today feels like Sunday - and he's still got 2 more days at home!! Plus the weather just couldn't be better. And I have eaten 2 king size chocolate bars (PMSing - remember?).
I only wish I had extra money to spend on a little bistro set for our front porch or flowers and shrubs for our newly fenced backyard. One day. After I get a job.

Speaking of which...I am submitting an application for a part time job that will be posted next week. I hope that blogging about it, doesn't jinx me. If you read this - don't ask me about it. I'll tell you whatever I need to as I find out.

I'm going to stop now and enjoy the rest of what today has to offer.

~C

Awwww! Doesn't he look peaceful? Sleeping away, hopefully having sweet dreams. That's because right before I took this photo - he took a huge dump. For some reason - this kid only poo's after he's gone to bed - or gone to sleep for that matter. We alternate who goes in and changes him. Tonight was my night. It's just easier if I do it myself. I can change him, in the dark, without waking him up. All I hear when Sean is in there is "Aw Crap!" "Cuyler Staaawp! No, don't do that. Stupid wipes!"...almost like Napolean Dynamite is changing him.
Then there's the odd "Honey can you come in here please". So - ya, I do it quicker and better. The last time Sean changed him, the poor boy still had poop on his bits when I changed him in the morning. But at least he does it. Or tries to. A for effort, honey!

Sooo...let's talk about what Cuy ate today that he shouldn't have. Namely the onion rings from Harveys. They were on the dining room table. Who knew he could reach? We know now and we also know that if he can't eat it - we won't buy it. I felt like a right idiot when I saw him finishing it off. He looked like a dog who had just eaten the steak off of his owners plate. He knew he shouldn't have - but they were so worth the trouble he'd get into.

Oh! And I can't forget the 7...yes SEVEN ice cream cones that he ate while I was up checking my email. Now - these cones are 10 bucks for 24. My friend Dawn bought them for me from the nutrition store down at Sick Kids - because they are gluten and casein free for him.
I gave him a cone with some So Good "ice cream" (thanks again Robin!) and thought I'd have time to check my email and see if there was a Kirk update. Well by the time I got down...I found 7 ice cream cone tops. The round part where the ice cream gets put in to. He likes to eat the pointy part. Who knew he could reach the middle of the counter as well as the dining room table??? I felt like such a rotten Mom. To be honest, I heard him crunching the cone...and thought it was the same cone I'd first given him. Oh well. Live and learn.

I am confessing on here that I have to really be aware of how I speak to Cam. I am so short tempered and impatient with him lately. I have no idea why. He's a good kid. And really fun to be around - but for the past week or so - he just grates me. I make sure that he gets lots of lovin and cuddles at bedtime. I don't want his last thought before he dozes off to be "Mommy was mean to me today". I know it's awful of me - but I'm aware of it and I'm really trying to keep my cool with him.

And Sean is conveniently "working from home" tomorrow. That conveniently happens on the Friday of long weekends. So we should have a fun day and a good start to the long weekend!

Thanks for reading!
~C

These are our boys after a long day of having fun. And it was only 7pm!!
Poor Cuyler - he's SO spent after CIP. He did even better today. I thought he was doing great, but he continues to do even more things there!! And continually amazes us!

We had Debbie here today (Cuy's Developmental Consultant). She was so happy and amazed with the changes she saw in him. Which thrilled me that they were so noticeable. She did a checklist on him that we "attemped" a few months back (Jan, I think). He did so awesome today! Things he wouldn't do last time - he did with such ease this time. We could hardly get any of it done the last time. But not today - what a great morning!!

We had a good afternoon, a crappy early evening - you know what witching hour is like if you have kids - no fun. But after dinner we took a walk to the park and, MAN! we had a ball!
They played on the climbers for awhile. Cuy is independent on it now - YAY! Sean and I actually got a chance to sit down and chat while they played. Then we went onto the soccer field and played football (we brought one with us). Tonight made me realize that all of the people who have ever commented on the fact that we should try for a girl have NO freakin idea how much fun boys are. Well... at least my boys anyways. Girl shmirl! Who needs one??! NOT ME! I got my boys! And I cannot tell you how much fun we had tackling, passing and chasing each other. Got them good and tired (see the picture?)
I can really feel a change in the dynamic of the 4 of us. Our family seems to be evolving and it feels like we are moving into a different phase. I know we are. And I am so looking forward to it.
Sean says quite often lately "We got our 2 boys now. Two little boys running around. I love it. I'm so happy." That pretty much sums it up.
From last summer to now - we have changed completely. Last summer - I was isolated. Alone. Depressed. Frustrated. Angry. Terrified that the rest of our life was going to be like that. We couldn't do the same things our peers were doing with their kids due to Cuy's behaviour issues. We still didn't know exactly what we were dealing with (ahem...I did). The unknown. The unpredicatbility. The guilt - that goddamn guilt. Thank God that's gone.
I told Debbie this morning that I wish I had kept a record of life last year. Then I realized it probably would have just been so negative. I probably would have written horrible things that I wouldn't want a record of. But then again, it would have been my truth at that time.
I am just so glad and feel so enormously blessed to be here. Right where we are. I can say in all honesty, full of truth that I wouldn't want anything about my life changed right now. Okay - lie. I'd like less debt and more money. But don't change anything about my boys and or who they are. Okay - lie again...Cam's temper could maybe be toned down a bit...just a bit - I like him fiery!
The only way to explain is it just a feeling of inner contentment. Things are really coming to together - just as I had been hoping. I sometimes think that things are going so good something will go wrong soon (Sean knows that's the pessimist in me). But I was in a shit-pit for way too long, so I am really choosing to enjoy this. This way I can enjoy my kids and all their greatness!

Thanks for reading
~C

What a weird day today was.
The weather sucked, for one thing...and I was just on autopilot I think. Just one of those Blaaaahhhh days.

Cuy did AWESOME at CIP. He was doing spontaneous exchanges with his pecs (no - not his boob muscles!). I'm not going to explain what that means - but just know that it's TERRIFIC!!!!!! YAY CUY!
For some reason - he did NOT want to take his swim class tonight. He looked sooo sad. His bottom lip hanging down, like he was trying hard not to cry, but saying "out!...byebye!...all done!...out!" So I obliged and he got out after about 5 minutes. This better not become a habit. Daddy makes it too much fun in the waiting room.

This afternoon Cam and I had plans to go to the splash pad with Andrea and the boys, but the weather quashed that. So I said I'd get him a slushy and we'd do something fun. Got the slushy, found a great park and played for bit, but then the rain started again...sooo, back to CIP and we waited in the hallway playing the Letter Game. I say a word - he tells me what it starts with. He's so freakin smart!

And Sean...poor Sean. He was at the mall (Square One) with a co-worker and came upon a crime scene as they were leaving. While they were in the mall some guy was shot and killed in his suv, after he had just gone to the bank. Sean saw the guy getting worked on by paramedics and loaded into the ambulance. He figured the guy was dead as there was no real urgency when they were leaving - lights on, no siren. God - it really REALLY pisses me off. Those low life scumbag muther f'ers. Right where the guy got shot is where we enter the mall when we go to have lunch with Sean. How many innocent kids, people for that matter, had their lives put at risk because of these assholes (who, by the way, have not been caught as of this posting).
I keep thinking of the dead guy. And how he got up today, got dressed, ate breakfast, went to the bank and is now dead with 2 bullets in his face.
I think of the family. And even the witnesses to the shooting. I know how I've been feeling since Sean called me. I can't imagine the people who actually saw.
I hate the fact that shit like this is happening closer to home. It makes me mad and it terrifies me.

So on that note, I will sign off to go cuddle with a little boy who I thought was alseep.

~C

Hello on a Monday.
Today Cuyler had speech therapy. I realized that since the diagnosis, every single professional person we have seen gives us some type of literature on Autism. And I have no desire to read about it.
I live it. Maybe I am just not at a place where I am ready to throw so much of myself into it. But seriously. I have about 15 pamphlets, a dozen articles, leaflets blah blah blah...I just don't want to use all my down time reading about autism...I already know that it's not a mental illness, I already know that I didn't cause it (right?), I already know that there's no cure, I already know that all of the papers and articles say the exact same thing.
Do I seem bitter? Maybe because after the huge gains Cuyler has made in just the past WEEK, the speech path said she didn't see a big change in him (she hasn't seen him since beginning of June). My ass he hasn't changed in almost 2 months!! Then at the end of the session she gave me a TON of shit to read on autism. I put it in Cuy's Wiggles packpack, and there it remains.
I went onto the Autism Society of Ontario website and the neatest thing I saw on it was cool autism awareness car magnets and bracelets. No info that I found helpful.
I think I did all my research a year and a half ago when I really started to suspect. I needed something to arm myself with...to say to Sean and the dr's "SEE! Look! He IS autistic!"

Cam is very excited to go swimming with his pals tomorrow while Cuyler is at CIP. I so enjoy that we get that time. Most nights I go to bed feeling guilty thinking that I yelled too much at him, that I ignored him too much, that I was short tempered, that he didn't get enough of me...that he was neglected...by me. Poor thing. But he's happy, funny, smart...he's a good kid. We are so lucky to have the boys we have. I do feel lucky actually. We get the opportunity to parent 2 children who are totally different. And we have to find ways to parent them individually, 2 different parenting styles. It's a bit of a challenge - but what about being a parent isn't?
Just like behaviours. I find that the most challening aspects of my children's personality are the ones I don't want them to lose. Like when Cam wants something - he wants it! Or when he shouts at other kids who are not listening to him - I want him to always keep that determination and drive for things, but he needs to learn how to use those traits in an appropriate manner.
Does that make any sense?

I made a call today about applying for a job as a TA. I didn't hear back yet. I was totally excited and psyched about it. But then I had to bring myself down a notch and realize that I may have to get a evening and weekend job. I remember being so thrilled when I graduated college. That meant I never had to work another weekend again. I really don't want that kind of part time job...just because that's our family time. I really want to work the mornings that the boys will be in school. The TA job is the only way I can think to do that. Maybe I'll think of something else. But I think this is the way I want to go. I think...

Again - before I go - please think of little Kirk. He was admitted to Sick Kids this evening.
His Mom, Kelly, updated before she left:
http://www2.caringbridge.org/canada/kirklandk/


~C

Check out these kissers! Sean and Cuyler have THE prettiest lips. Cam, unfortunately got my lips - pretty shape, but thin...I took these the other day - I just love their lips!!

So Sean wasn't impressed with the fact that I posted about him wanting a vasectomy on here the other day. To that I say "Too bad, sucker!" It's not like I wrote about his genitals or anything...SHEESH!

We had a super-fantastic weekend. Cuyler did alot of talking. He seems to be saying the same things, tho. Help, more, open, please, popsicle and NO! But his understandng and comprehension is really impressing us lately. It's so bizarre to me that this much change can occur in less than a week. It's really giving us tremendous hope for his future.

I got pretty frustrated yesterday. We're not doing FloorTime like I thought we would be. It's a hard mode to get into. I really want to implement it - but am feeling pretty insecure about myself doing it. We really have to change the way we play with him and it's tough to get out of habits that we've created. And none of them are bad - it's how any parent would play with their child. Cuyler learns differently, therefore, we must play with him differently (as we all know that children learn though play). Like everything else with Cuy - it'll come in time.

Along the job front - I think I'm going to try and look into doing part time EA through Community Living on the days that Cam will be in school. Just mornings in local childcare centres doing 1 on 1 with special needs kids (no - not Cuyler, he'll have his own). I thought about how great it would be on the days that they were both in school...no kids...maybe the house would get cleaned...maybe I could drop them off, grab a coffee, come home and watch Regis and Kelly (since Treehouse is the ONLY thing allowed on, if a Franklin dvd is not playing)...ahhh...that sounds so nice. But it ain't gonna happen.
I need to get a job. It's been 4.5 yrs since I worked and made any income - so it's time, I think.

Before I go, please send your positive thoughts and prayers to our little friend Kirkland. His mom is in my Special Needs Parents support group and he's not doing so great. Please think about him and send some "Feel Better" vibes his way.
Here is his site:
http://www2.caringbridge.org/canada/kirklandk/

~C

I turned 31 today.
It sounds so old to me. 31. Thirty one. I'm 31.
This is a big deal for me to admit it, y'know. I usually tell people that I'm 28. I like that age. I loved being 28. It just sounds nice. I'm 28. Sean even told a co-worker of his I was turning 28 (he's so awesome!)
But if 31 seems so old to me - why do I feel too young to be finished having kids? Seans wants a "V". I won't let him. But I feel like I have to respect that as "his" decision - and not mine. But the thought of being DONE done, makes me feel extremely sad. I want to be pregnant again. I want to deliver another baby (no - I'm not insane), I want to nurse again...B U T , I like being slim with no stretch marks and telling people I have 2 kids. I like walking around the beach in my bikini with my kids. Too vain? Okay then, I really like sleeping thru the night after 3 years of not.
So yes - we are still at that impasse - he's done...I don't know if I am (but I guess if he is - I am...grrr!) I just don't want to be completely finished while all of our friends are still getting pregnant and having babies. Well, there's always hope that the condom pops or we can do what we did when we got pregnant with Cuy (middle of the night, pretty-much-still-alseep sex...)
Okey dokey. Enough of that talk.
I had a great birthday, Cuy sang Happy Birthday "Oppy Booduh to ....you" and gave me one of his kisses - a nice one on the lips along with about 3 minutes of arms-around-the-neck cuddles! AWESOME!! Sean and I went to the movies (Wedding Crashers - funny stuff!) and to YoYo's for sushi afterwards while Mum babysat.

We hired a physiotherapist to come into our home and teach us how to play and engage with Cuyler.
It sucks that somebody has to teach us how to do that. There's something that's a bit demeaning about that. Being taught how to talk to your own kid. But I gave myself completely to the process and let myself be vulnerable. I let go and listened to her and let her tell us what we need to do for him. It was embarassing being told how to do things. But I had to get over that and just be open to all of it - for his sake.
I can totally see how this will help him. He responded well to her and she gave us some really good advice. Now we need to train ourselves out of what we've been doing with him for the past 2.5 years and train ourselves into Floortime. Very exciting! She observed us playing with him and told us what to do and say differently. Simple things like referring to myself as "I" or "Me" instead of "Mommy". She did tell us that he has great foundation skills and she said "This kids going to be talking. He's going to do very well!" What a great feeling. But it's not an easy thing to learn. Making everything a purposeful and engaging him as often as possible. Opening and closing circles - that's our goal. It's a bit daunting, but we're up for it.

I almost feel bad that my blog is titled what it is. Life is nowhere near Hell these days. Sure, we have our moments, sometimes hours, sometimes even days - but nothing like it used to be. Thank God.


~C

There's this cute little boy that was wandering my house this afternoon. He was chatting up a storm and was just the cutest thing. I don't know where he came from, but it sure was nice hearing all those new words from Cuyler!!
Seriously - he really did so much verbalizing this afternoon. It's like CIP is magic!
I dropped him off, again he cried, but for less that 5 minutes. AND he chucked his soother after about 15. He did GREAT! Must have been all the skittles they fed him there. He needs a GFCF safe snack that's "motivating". Skittles fit the bill.
Once home, he just asked for everything. It was bizarre. And amazing. And for most Moms of 2.5 yr olds - nothing much. But his understanding and comprehension seems to be increasing SO much.
I told Cam that I was going to give Cuyler a bath (not bothering to tell Cuyler he was getting one). Cuy runs up the stairs "Baaaa!! Baaaaa!!", runs into the bathroom and waits for me with a big smile. He understood and responded appropriately to what I said to Cam. Things like that, are HUGE...I mean H-U-G-E for him. Let's hope it just wasn't one of those flukey days where he gives me something to grab onto, then stops these great behaviours the next day again.
Like when he was little he said "doos" for juice for the first time. For a day or 2, I thought he was going to "catch up" and be like all the other kids...

I really like CIP because I get to hang out with Cam too. And I mean really hang out with him. Usually it's Cuy and I hanging together while Cams at nursery school or camp. We have to find something fun to do for 2 hrs while Cuylers in his program. He is really such a cool kid. And so freakin smart (gets that from his Daddy). How many 4yr olds know the words to Green Day, Sum 41 or The Killers? How many even know who Queens of The Stone Age are? (also from Daddy). Or if something doesn't go his way, he says "Oh you gotta be kiddin me!"
Or who confuse kindergarten with high school and tell people that soon he'll be allowed to say "fuckin sakes, shit and dammit"
He thinks his nutters look like a Santa sack. He told me the other day when he was in the tub. Poor Santa.
(I just previewed this and I'm not sure that these are things I should be bragging about a 4yr old doing.)

I had my support group meeting tonight. Another great night and 2 new Moms!! I think that brings our count to 10 now. It's just a gabfest (and bitchfest - about Dr's, therapists...) I feel really fortunate to have the group. The ladies are amazing and even though each one of our kids is so very different from one another - they "get" what MY normal is. It's their's too.


Christine
(PS - I changed the settings so anyone can leave comments now - not just registered users)

What a great day we had today.
First Cuyler did great at his CIP program - after the trauma of arrival.
They didn't open the classroom door until precisely 1pm. We got there early, of course. About 12:50...Keep in mind that Cuyler has never met any of these women running it, nor has he been to this envoirnment before. So - they open the door, very quickly tell Cuyler to get the picture of himself from his cubby and bring it into the room and put it with his schedule. What the fuck?!? I didn't understand what they were talking about, much less Cuyler being able to...but they "guide" him in and tell me to leave the area...buh bye!...hurry!...off you go!...no kiss, no cuddle...
One girl needs to talk to me about some admin stuff and we go around the corner. I hear Cuy screaming. I think maybe he'll vomit, then maybe I can go back and see him if he does. But he doesn't. They just give him his soother and he has a great afternoon.
THAT, people, is why we are NOT weaning him of his soother. For him, it can be a necessity for him to function. Now I will never judge the parents of any child who looks older than kidnergarten age who walks around with a soother.

And swimming lessons tonight were awesome! Cam is now a "swimmer" With the lifejacket - he actually swims - kicking legs, using his arms. He spends most of the lesson bobbing his head under and above the water. He thinks he's so cool cuz he can hold his breath under water now. And - he doesn't need catching at the bottom of the slide anymore. There's something devastating about your child saying "Mommy, I don't need you anymore"

Sean and I are thrilled with the progress Cuyler is making in the pool. Last year he wouldn't let us take him into the changeroom, much less the pool area - the echo was way too much for his senses. Now we can't keep him out of the water.
Tonight Cuyler put a lifejacket on and wore it for a good portion of his lesson. If you know him, you know what a feat this is for him. And he jumped off the side of the pool into my arms. And he went down the slide. He see's every other child go down the slide and squeals "YAY!" When it was his turn...he said "yay" with a sheer look of terror. It was priceless.
I must admit - I quite enjoy when other people's kids are afraid of the water and make a scene by kicking and screaming "NO MOMMY NO!" during lessons. That means that people aren't looking at me thinking "Why the hell is she torturing him like that?"
Okay...I shouldn't say I enjoy it, that sounds really mean (but I do). But I do feel good that we are blending in. Funny how we are working SOOOOO hard and it's taking so much effort - to appear normal.
People always say "I hate to use the word "normal" " or when they say it, they make the quote sign with their fingers. But why is it so politically incorrect to use the term? On my ASD message board, they refer to normal people as NT - as in "neuro typical". Just a fancy way of saying NORMAL. Whatever...normal...Its' like retarded. My sisters and I used to call each other retarded or retards when we were little. My mother would get livid and tell us if we didn't stop - "God will get you!" When I was really messed up about Cuyler - I wondered if she was right. I wondered if I got an autistic kid because I called people retarded when I was little. And I still say it sometimes. "Omigod, that's so retarded!" Didn't Lindsay Lohan get in trouble for saying that too much?? i better stop.
Sorry Mum, and anyone else that I offended.

DAMN that cbs!! I can't believe I fell for it again. Big Brother 6. It's on now.

Christine

See post below

I am so freakin annoyed right now.
There is this picture of Cuyler that floats around our house. He is a wee baby (was he ever really wee?) and he's asleep on Sean's chest. He's bald (they both are) and his face is so ROUND. He's just about 4 months old in it. It is one of my favourite pics.
But for some reason - I hate how it makes me feel. I pine for him to be that little again. I wish for that time back with him as a round pudgey baby. I would love to be able to get one more day with him back then...just rewind for a few hours. To hold him, to bounce him, to snuggle with him up to my neck, to nurse him. When things were normal and I didn't have the labels and the shit that goes along with "special needs". Sometimes I feel like there's this cloud that follows me. And I remind myself to get over it. If we weren't dealing with autism, there would be something else making life a bit more difficult. It's all relative. I get pissed off because I think that I consumed myself with worry when he was little and didn't fully enjoy his babyhood. So I want it back. I want a re-do.
Anyhoo - I am annoyed because I wanted to post the picture and the scanner isn't working. It's one of those old fashioned pictures, taken with a 35mm camera...weird, I know...but I will post it as soon as I can figure out how to connect the scanner to the computer.

Sooooo - big day for Cuyler tomorrow (Tues)! CIP starts (Community Intervention Program). I've been all nervous about him starting daycare in September...and today I realized that tomorrow I am going to be dropping my baby boy off with 5 people he has never met, into an environment he has never been. God I could cry thinking about it. Cam will be with me and I am afraid Cuyler is going to think we've abandoned him...better break out the Imodium.

He did 2 new things today. He was singing the theme song to Franklin (the turtle):
"Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey Kwaykway, Heeeeeeeeeeeeey kwaykway"
...he calls Franklin "Kwaykway"

and the clever boy asked for "more swing". Basically he needed a push. It was more like "Mo-ah Sweeee" 2 words together! I was thrilled!
We're getting there - ever so slowly, but surely. I know that's one blessing with having a special needs child. We celebrate every single skill. Alot of things that may not be a big deal with typically developing kids. They're HUGE for us.

Well - wish us luck at CIP and I will be sure to update (with that picture too!!)

Thanks for reading!
Christine

I really wanted to put this picture on last night...but don't really know pictures work here. My 3 guys.

Okay...there we go.
So...the purpose of this whole thing is to track our progress as we enter the whole world of autism.
We're actually beyond the point of entering. We've arrived.
I hope it's able to keep friends and family updated on everything as well.

So - let's catch up.
Cuyler James Coleman was born on Wedesday November 13, 2002. He weighed 7lbs, 7ozand was 20inches long (and don't think that "Wednesdays Child is Full of Woe" didn't cross my mind - even after 23 hours of labour).
Cuy was born with the cord around his neck 4 (yes - FOUR) times...no vitals, born blue, born flat - however you want to say it...he needed resucitation. But he bounced back real quick and there were no major concerns.
We brought him home the next day to a very excited big brother Cam, who is 19months older.

When he was 5mos old we saw Parent Infant Program - they were following him because of his delivery. We met our developmental consultant and occupational therapist (I typed their names in - then backspaced them...am I allowed to name names on this thing?)

Anyways - everything was A-Ok for a few months. Then I started seeing things I didn't like. Namely his eye contact and engagement. Around the 11mo mark I began thinking the A word. But was reassured by everyone the he was "just fine". Dr's, therapists...and Sean, of course.
He had delays, but they were within the normal range. The gap increased on his delays between 18 - 20mos.
The big delays were language - I still don't know why I was the only one who was concerned when his receptive scored lower than his expressive . . .
Once he turned 2, we saw 2 ped's, and a developmental pediatrician. He was tested for Fragile X . . . waiting for those results - not fun. Even worse was getting the blood out of his arm. Thank God for big brave Daddies! (even those who are in denial)
So . . . no FragileX - PHEW . . . I was relieved for about 3 seconds. Then thought "Okay...not Fragile X - what is it?!?!?!?"
The 2 peds said they didn't think he was on the spectrum (the Autism Spectrum - for those unfamiliar). . . I knew better and their words did nothing to reassure me of my fears.
So we finally get to Erinoak (childrens development centre). The DevPed says she thinks he's mild on the spectrum.
For some reason - it devastated me to hear her say that. I so did not want to be right about this.
A month after our 1st appt with the DevPed, she does the evaluaton/assesment on him.
He scores high...not good. He actually scored into the moderate/severe range. Not even ASD (autism spectrum disorder). This thing is telling me he's autistic. FUCK!
Why, since I have been telling people this for over a year, did this diagnosis shake my world to it's core???? I sobbed so hard in the van after the appt that I could not breath. Poor Sean. He had to be strong for me - even though he had to come further than me. I knew in my heart what we were dealing with. He had to accept that Cuy was a bit more than just delayed in speech.
He reminded me that the severity of the diagnosis will get him more services. And we know that he has so many amazing skills that he just didn't bring with him that day. Bugger.
That was May '05.
Here we are a short 2 mos later and things are really taking off for him. I haven't mentioned the sporadic speech therapy he's rec'd and the wait lists he's been on for services. So much waiting. In the next few weeks and months, we are going to be busy. Finally things are really moving!!
He starts a Community Intervention Program on Tuesday (CIP). I drop him off for 2 hrs for intensive work (speech, behaviour and occuapational therapy) in a childcare setting. This is 3x per week for 6 weeks. Once that program is finished, he starts daycare - holy crap!!!! And we should be resuming regular speech therapy as well.
Sean and I have hired a physio/occupational therapist to come into our home and train us on a mode of therapy called "Floortime". Very excited about that!
I can't forget to mention the GlutenFree/CaseinFree diet that he's been on for about 2mos now. A tough diet to follow - but we're seeing some nice changes. The words are starting...single words and repetetive/imitative - but he's gotta start somewhere!! And he sleeps thru the night finally! It only took 2.5 years!
I'm gonna call it a night on this thing now. I've moved from the basement to bed and I'm tired. Hopefully this was enough to catch you up so far and I can start writing about our daily events.

And not just about Cuyler, but our family life in general. Cams love of Green Day and The Killers, his summer mini-camp, his preparation for junior kindergarten. Cuyler's love of water and anything that he can turf across the room (or at Cams head) (or at Seans privates), my ongoing saga of what to do with my life beyond stay-at-home-motherhood and Seans constant calming effect on all of us as a whole (I know that's lame...I wasn't sure what else to put for him)

K - done!
Keep well and thanks for reading!
Christine

This is a test post. I thought I was more computer literate than I actually am and I refuse to ask Sean for help in getting this up and running.
Bear with me.