I've been blogstipated again...among other-stipated...ugh.
I've had alot to write about, but as soon as I get ready to type, I just feel wiped and head over to my celebrity gossip sites. Bad. I know.
We've immersed ourselves into RDI and because we think about it and talk about it and have meetings about it, I have a hard time rehashing it. My Mom will call and ask about it. I'll tell Sean what I did with our consultant, he'll tell me what he did. I'll read and re-read things that I am unsure of. I'll tell Sean my fears and concerns about my competency. He'll reassure. Pump me up and I'll feel good and confident again.
But to sit and transfer it onto the blog - I don't know where to start.
And I want to start because this is want I want a record of. The stuff that we're doing now.

We worked on "regulation" last week. We each had a one on one meeting with Paulette (I'll give her a name and not just call her "our consultant") to ensure we were in a good place to start and had a grasp on things. We then did what I thought to be the most fun - one on one with Cuy - with Paulette as our guide.

We did specific activities ensuring Cuyler had a role and I had a role.
We'd get into a pattern, then when he was comfortable in the pattern, I'd throw in a "just noticeable change" to see if he could/would continue with the pattern. Then after that I would maintain the pattern and then throw in "productive uncertainty" - a bit of a bigger challenge that he could handle while maintaining the pattern.
Example - I had him help me empty the dishwasher.
My role: handing him cutlery. His role: putting it away.
"Just Noticeable Change": hand it to him sideways or hand it to him and not let go.
"Productive Uncertainty": place the spoon on the counter instead of hand it to him or hand him a sock or not hand him anything.
That was one example of many things we did with him - all very easy activites to incorporate into our lives.
The pattern gives Cuy his static comfort, while the throw-ins give him the confidence to deal with change.
Once we felt good about that and had a few videotaped sessions, we sat and went over the treatment plan. So we really are feet-first right now. And we couldn't be MORE excited.
We really feel that this is going to make our life easier. His life better. I am excited about the time I will have to spend with him...GET to spend with him. About the things I will do with him that I wouldn't without RDI.
I go onto an ASD message board and when I read about the families who have therapy after therapy, ABA, IBI, OT, ST...I feel so lucky that I am his "therapist". That we will be the people that he spends his time with. Not hired or assigned. That he will grow and develop with us as his guides. In the last 6 months or so - our connection with Cuyler has changed. I can't quite articulate it - but I am so in love with this kid. And I'm feeling the love right back. Sometimes all he gives me is a look. But I feel it in how he looks at us now. He's present. He's here. He's connected to us.
I am very excited at what this will do for our family. Our family as a whole. I think it will give Cam an insight that other kids wouldn't get. I think our new baby will be joining us at just the right time. And I didn't think it was possible, but it will strengthen Sean and I even more.

Stay tuned!

Today was a...great day. Not great. Better than great.
It was glorious. It was one of those just-wonderful days. The weather was 100% perfect. Sean was off (he had been on vacation all week). Cam doesn't start shool until next Friday.
We picked Cuyler up from school at noon and we went to a local farm. We've been before and each time was just kind of so-so. Each time before started off really well, but ended shitty with Cuyler in a fit.

Not today.
For the first time he was interested and enjoyed the animals (goats, chickens, rabbits, turkeys, peacock). For the first time, he willingly went thru the maze. Actually - he ran into it and ran through.

Then it was off to the hay hills. The last time we went, Cuy had a hard time even touching the hay. It's pretty itchy stuff - but he was bound and determined to keep up with Cam. He's a bit of a daredevil, but today it really showed. He would just LEAP of the top of the hill - and these were extremely high hay stacks.




(That last one is Cuyler at the top of the hay hill)
After they ran up and down (and Sean and I chased them), we went on a wagon ride. Cuy's FIRST! It was so much fun. I almost started crying when we were about a minute into it. He was just so enjoying being on the wagon and looking at everything there was to see. He sat on my lap or tucked into my side and held my hand the whole ride and pretty much had his little smile on his face the entire time.
Sean commented "Today has been totally, 100% non-autistic."
It really was. No tempers. No fears. No sensory stuff. No negative behaviours. Lots of language. Just 2 really happy boys, having fun at a farm on a beautiful day.
I feel like we're getting more of those days.

Tomorrow is RDA2. Cuy will be assessed withOUT Sean or I there. I'm nervous, so Sean will drop him off as he usually feeds Cuy's calm, where I feed his nerves.

We thought we'd try something today. Hockey season begins soon and Sean is coaching Cam's team, so he's all crazy into hockey right now. Cam got new skates, gloves, shinpads and chest protector.
His old skates are just the right size for Cuy, so we thought we'd give it a go, since Cuyler wants to do EVERYTHING Cam does.
Skating was no exception. Once he saw Daddy and Cam with skates on, he decided he needed a pair on as well.

He was more than willing to let Sean put them on and lace them up. We had a bit of an issue with the helmet in that he refused to wear it. Once the boys were dressed (I'm not skating until after baby arrives), we watched the zamboni. Once the zamboni was off ice, it was time to go on. Except Cuy. I told him "Helmet on. Then skating." I pointed out each child with their helmet on and he excitedly said "Cuyler helmet on!"


He did so great and after awhile he was able to stand without his feet sliding all over the ice. We neglected to bring mitts for him so his hands got cold.
Poor Sean, though...
If you've never taught a young child how to skate, you can't imagine the pain in your back having to hover forward to support the kid. And most kids are younger and probably more co-ordinated than Cuyler. And not yet 40lbs.
Cam was just 2 and and probably just hitting 30lbs when he started.
Anyways - we cut skating short because Sean just couldn't do it after awhile so we had to force him off with Skittles and I did end up taking him to the van and I did fold and put on the Wiggles dvd. It was the first time in over 2 weeks. I feel badly that I put it on, but I felt worse making him come off the ice.

It was just nice to, once again, do something "normal" with both our boys.

For the past 2 weeks or so we've been getting some not-so-great reports from Cuyler's school regarding his behaviour. Lots of pushing, hitting, kicking...that is not acceptable behaviour - ASD or not. But that's where it gets tricky.
You see, the things that Cam would NOT be allowed to get away with and would most definately be disciplined for are the behaviours that we just can't seem to get Cuyler to understand are wrong. He doesn't seem to understand the discipline and when we try to give him a time-out or remove him from a situation - it can end in a 2hr tantrum.
I am having a difficult time lately as I get bigger with the pregnancy. He is a big brute of a 40pound kid and I am not always able to physically manage him like I was a few months ago.
We called in the behaviour consultant and she is going to observe him at school over the course of a few mornings and try to put a plan in place where the discipline and techniques are consistent with each person that works with him.

I was trying to figure out what could have prompted all of this negative behaviour. Any changes in his health, in his routine.
Then it occured to me while driving home from picking him up after yet another difficult morning for him at school today.
We have been trying to get him out of the static systems that he has put himself into (and that we've allowed). We're trying to make his world more dynamic. And it's been working.
For instance every night at bedtime for about a year we would read Cuyler the same 3 stories, in the same order. He wouldn't allow another book into the mix, or even mix up the order we would read them.
In the van, he'd freak out if we didn't a specific Wiggles dvd on.
Each and every morning he gets a buckwheat waffle for breakfast.
Kids on the spectrum live a very "static" life. With alot of "sameness". Very regimented, very predictable. Not varying the routine.
Very UNLIKE life.
Two weeks ago:
We decided no more dvd's or tv shows in the van at all. None. It took about 3 days of him asking and crying for "Wiggles Around The Clock!!". He hasn't asked in over a week.
At bedtime, we put those 3 books away and we made him choose new books. It took about 4 nights of him fighting for his other books and us telling him no. Now we read different books every night. Sometimes 1 book. Sometimes 4 books. It varies. Imagine that!
We have been trying to make his life and our house more dymanic. More changeable. We're hoping that if he's able to cope with these small changes (which were actually BIG for him), then he'll have an easier time managing in the real world.
That's big picture. Long term. It'll take a long time and it's what RDI will help us do. We're confident that "this is it."
And it's teaching us already how to push him (and to push ourselves) into more dynamic systems.
Already we see his langauge increase yet again. Sean and I both commented on that a few days ago.
He dropped something in the van tonight and got pissed off. He started a semi-tantrum and grabbed the back of his carseat and pulled the pillow off. He stopped tantruming and looked at his pillow - I don't think he knew there was a pillow there that could come off. Then said "Look Mommy! A pillow! Look!"
It was one of those moments that Sean and I gave each other "the look". The "omigod-our-kid-is-so-smart" look.
That thought would not have been processed and the words would not have come out of his mouth had the dvd been on.
And that he shared it with us...
Definately dynamic.

So I'm thinking that he may be feeling somewhat out of control as we make these changes at home and it's being manifested in these negative behaviours at school.
And now that we know a possible cause for the behaviour, we can hopefully deal with it more effectively.