There's Cam fast asleep dreaming of his first day at kindergarten tomorrow. It's not really his first day...it's just a 20 minute meeting with his teacher. But enough for it to be a big deal for him. This was our last day of him being all mine. Now I have to share him and he's going to be a part of the public school system. I am so excited for him, yet sad that it has come upon us so quickly.
And Cuyler goes for him 2nd day of preschool tomorrow. His first day went great! He was off and on - but like I have said previously - I don't think he's 100%. See the pic? He crashed in my bed this aft...and woke up and proceeded to scream for an hour. Now it's just after 9pm and he's still awake.
His nose is kinda runny, but not...more like...boogery. And he feels warm, but has no temp. On my paranoid days I always freak privately that it's cancer or something. I think once your world has been shook to it's core with devastating news, you just don't ever feel safe from anything.
I will be the first to admit that our eating habits have been lax the past few days. We've had people coming and going and the boys have had more sugar than usual. So hopefully we'll get into a real good groove when they're both settled into school.

This Friday Sean and I go back to see the psychologist and get the results from his last evaluation and find out whether he qualifies for the ABA. If he does qualify, he'll remain on the list and hopefully get called within the next 18-24 months for the therapy.
If he doesn't qualify then he'll be removed from the list. I posted before about how I was neutral about the results and didn't care either way. I was wrong. I want him to qualify. Not that I want him to not be making progress - but I really want him to get the service. Especially lately. I just feel like we've hit a funk and the progress has slowed and the tantrums are edging their way back...I've just had a rough few days with him.

I keep reading this for encouragement:

A meeting was held quite far from earth,
"It's time again for another birth".
Said the angels to the Lord above,
"This special child will need much love".

His progress may seem very slow,
Accomplishments he may not show.
And he'll require extra care
From the folks he meets down there.

He may not run or laugh or play,
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
In many ways he won't adapt,
And he'll be known as handicapped.

So let's be careful where he's sent.
We want his life to be content.
Please Lord, find the parents who,
Will do this special job for you.

They will not realize right away,
The leading role their asked to play.
But with this child sent from above
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given,
In caring for this gift from heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild,
Is Heaven's very special child.


I sometimes think that these little ditty's romanticize having a special needs child and make the parents such very special people. But honestly...during his shit-fit this afternoon I thought, man...there must have been a mix up at the "special child distribution desk" up there. There was a point about 30 minutes into his screaming that I just didn't want him, or his autism or this life that I've got now. It just sucked!!! For a brief moment I thought "The only thing keeping me around is Cam." He sat on the porch and chatted with me as I put myself on a much needed, preventative time-out.
And I am constantly amazed at how my emotions can go from pure rage to pure joy. And all it takes is for one of my boys to smile at me and look into my eyes.
It's amazing the power your children have over you as an emotional being...buggers!