Heard yesterday after school
Cam (out of nowhere): "Mom. Is Cuyler's damage permanent?"
Me: "Yep. But we can help him get better. He will probably always be different than you. Maybe alot different than you. Maybe just a little different than you. He learns differently than you - but he definately learns things everyday. It just takes him a bit longer to learn things."
Cam: "Cuz his brain is different than mine. From when he was born."
Me: "Yup."
Then he stood quietly for a moment. I asked if he was okay. He nodded. I wasn't sure if he was upset or not, but I left it at that. Knowing that he will ask the questions as they come and we will answer them.
At bedtime last night, Sean went to tuck them in and found Cam in Cuyler's room. In Cuyler's bed. He was reading to him. And he didn't want to go to his room. So we left them together and Cam shadowed Cuyler around his room, playing with him and interacting with him. Sean went up about 20minutes later and told Cam he had to go to bed. Cam protested saying he wanted to stay with Cuy and help him. Sean thanked him for being an amazing big brother but that it was time for everyone to go to bed.
Afterwards I went to tuck Cam in and told him that what he did with Cuy was exactly the things that will help him get better. And that Cuyler was the luckiest boy alive to have Cam for a big brother.
Cam is starting to realize that he has a big role in Cuyler's life.
He is also realizing what autism is. He's gaining a deeper understanding of what Cuyler's deficits are. And he is taking some responsibility in interacting with him. Asking what games and activities he can play with him.
And I am thrilled that we have yet another person on Cuyler's team to help bring out his full potential.
But I don't want Cam to feel like it's his responsibility. I want him to enjoy his brother. Enjoy being with him. Not feel obligated to him.
It's not his job.
I always have known that we had Cam first for a reason. On days like yesterday it is clear why.
posted by Irish @ 1:50 PM
5 Comments:
Awww, Cam's such a good brother :-) . It always freaks me out that Isaac will grow up feeling like his life would have been somewhat better or different if India didn't have autism. He's an old soul and way too serious and mature for his age and I really hope this is just the way he would have been regardless of his sister's autism.
This parenting shit's hard.
sal.
what an amazing boy he is! Cuyler is lucky to have him as a role model.
From my experinece as a sibling to someone with Autism, I cna tell you that there will be days when he is just as frustrated with Cuyler and his Autism as you are. But, like you, there will be great days too!
You're absolutely right.
Kids take things seriously and literally. I was worried that Cam felt responsible for curing Cuyler. Your penultimate paragraph is so very true.
Does he know any other kids his age with autistic siblings?
-Jill
This post seriously made me cry. I'm in tears just typing. You have an amazing child. Cuyler is very lucky to have him.
I got teary reading this! What great boys you have!
Katrina
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