We did a pretty shitty job of storing the leftover birthday cake out of Cuyler's reach. I was downstairs doing laundry and thought I'd better check out why it was so quiet upstairs. I get to the top of the stairs to find Cuyler looking like he'd just won the lottery. He gives me a huge grin and says "YUMMEEEE CAKE!" He's actually saying "Cheeeese!" in the first pic:


This was 8am this morning.


I just finished replying to a post on a board and the mother was wondering how people told their friends about their childs disorder/diagnosis.
I wasn't sure what to reply back. I don't think I ever had to "tell" people about Cuy and our issues with him.
I sent out a mass email to everyone on my contact list when he was diagnosed. But up until then, they were all pretty much aware that he had some delays and that he was being seen about them by one professional or another.
I think, if anything, I overtold people. I was not going to let people think I didn't know that he was behind. It was more so people wouldn't judge me as a bad parent. Or an out of touch parent. Or a clueless parent.
And I am guilty of of judging. Believe me, I am (and I'm not proud of it). I have worked with one family in particular - the most severe case of autism I've worked with. And the parents wouldn't believe the child had anything more than a speech delay. I though they were the most ignorant people I had ever met. They refused any type of help for their son because "he didn't need it" and were so blind to everything surrounding his needs. Which made working with him almost impossible and it wasn't fair on him, the staff or the other children in the program. They only agreed to help after we were going to ask them to find alternate care for him as we couldn't without support.
Now I know that the fear and terror is what was holding them back. That if they held onto the belief that he was just a slow talker - that things will be fine. That he'll be ok. (I think Sean had a bit of that)
I'll be damned if people look at me and think that.
And I'll be damed to let MY fears and anxiety impede Cuyler's growth and development.



I got a call from Kerrys Place. I just wanted to get on their list so I can use them as an extra resource or go to any workshops that may interest me.
We do an intake over the phone. She asks me questions. Some were really basic like if I want pamphlets on autism do I need help with this that and the other and I'm arrogantly thinking "Lady...I know my shit..."
So we continue to chat and she asks about behaviours. Does he have any?
"Ya...he bites sometimes. Pulls my hair alot. Tantrums. General behaviours. Nothing I'm too TOO concered about."

~And how do you handle them?

"Well we're using pecs as an additional tool. He seems to understand somewhat. It's hard when his older brother antagonizes him and angers him on purpose. Much of it stems from his inability to verbalize what he's feeling. That and he doesn't like when he doesn't get his way, like most kids his age. Frustration."

~You have an older child?
I give her Cams age. And she seems to be asking the same question over and over again. How do you deal with it? Does Campbell get hurt? Do they fight? Do they hurt each other?

"Well...I try my best to always be near. If I see a situation escalating I get down with them and try and redirect. if not I grab the pecs and show Cuyler that he 'bit Cam. Cam's sad. No biting!' "

~Have there been any injuries?

"Nooo...the odd bitemark. Pulled hair. Nothing major. Kid stuff."
(I'm getting annoyed now)
"They're brothers. One's 4. The other is 3. I think THAT has more to do with it than autism does...I have put a referral in to see a behaviour therapist. If I was overly concerned, I'd put more urgency into it."

~Okay. Well just so you know, we always go over all new clients files together as a team. Sometimes we have to report sitations to CAS (Childrens Aid Society). If we feel that there could be harm done or someone's saftey is at risk.

Time to pull out the ECE card. Cuz I'm super annoyed. Actually...make that pissed off. Now I have to defend his behaviours as "normal" when he's actually behaving age appropriately.

"Look. I've got my ECE. I have a childcare background. I have HART training up to level 3. I have worked with typical children who have much more severe behaviour issues. Really. This is 2 brothers roughousing for fun. And yes, sometimes fighting mad at each other. But you do what you need to do. I am confident that both my children are quite safe here. With each other."

~Oh yes. It sounds fine there. But I did just want to inform you that that's our policy. We've had some incidents in the past, so we would rather err on the side of caution. You understand.

"Totally"

I just got the feeling that nothing could be normal in our house because we have a child with autism. Like we need help with everything.
Perhaps we're just lucky that we're doing well. Maybe Cuyler is at the milder end of the spectrum then alot of kids they see there.
We're comfortable with the diagnosis. We understand it (mostly...much is a mystery). We are capable. Speaking with her made me realize how capable I am. And how our family is, maybe, not like many families dealing with this disorder. She even commented on how positive we are and how our expectations were high for him. And how unique that was. Which made me kinda sad that people don't see the possibilites with these children.
"Treat me as I am, and I will remain as I am.
Treat me as I could be and I will become that bigger and better man."

She ended by asking me if she could use my name as a contact for any families newly diagnosed who live in my area. Of course I said, "Absolutely."
That made me feel good.




And just a quick FYI - the trampoline is a major hit in our house and the easiest way to get the kids to bed early!