Are rare moment of peace between the boys. Of course after I took this picture, Cam kept on bugging Cuy, Cuy whacked Cam in the side of the face.

Well, we've had good days interspersed with bad moments. When I'm with Cuy - he's awesome and I can't stop kissing his cheeks and he's fun and makes me laugh.
When I'm on my own and just start to think about things, I get annoyed, resentful and angry.

I took him to swimming lessons on Thursday and he did not too bad, but not great. He is happiest sitting on the steps and gets defensive when I try to take him into the water. I hated seeing all the others, who are younger than him having fun and laughing and jumping while he clung to my neck repeating "All done wee-mee! Out! Out! bye bye!" I can't figure this kid out. Last session - he did awesome. Played, participated and we even got a life jacket on him once.
He still won't wear an outdoor jacket. And the sight of one sets him off. I picked my jacket up from our hall bench to hang it up and he got upset "Bye bye ja-ett! Alldone!" So he'll either have a very cold winter or a very boring indoor winter.

I also do not like the fact that all of the things I had planned to do - we more than likely will not do.
I was "supposed" to have 2 kids in kindergarten next year. And we'll probably keep him back.
And we were "supposed" to sign him up for skating this winter. And we didn't.
And he's "supposed" to be in swimming lessons without me. But he isn't.
I shouldn't still be buying diapers. But I am.
We shouldn't still be taking a stroller everywhere. But we are.
I should be working fulltime to help pay the bills. But I can't.
My son shouldn't need this stupid diet to keep him from living in a fog. But he does.
My son should have had solid shits. But he hasn't since May.
He should be able to wear a jacket without it terrorizing him. But he can't.
They should both be going to Nana's for a sleepover. But they're not. Because he won't.

I just want a normal life. With normal children and do all the normal things that all my normal friends with normal kids are doing.
But I am on a very different path from them. I don't want to be here. But I'll keep going. Because it's not all bad. Alot of it is. But alot of it isn't. I have some very wonderful new friends who are also on this path. So I know I'm not alone, no matter how often I feel like I am.

I should also mention that he is a fabulous "tooth brusher". He is actually letting us brush is teeth. Porperly - tops, bottoms, fronts, backs. He has super clean teeth - finally. He seems to enjoy it as well. He counts to five. And in between counting he praises himself "Goo boyeee!"
Yes baby, you are a good boy!