It is moments like this one and days like today where I can't stand my child...I hate my life and I hate autism.
He has been pissy all morning. I have tried to stay calm for him and for Cam. But I'm about to snap and it's only 10:24am.
He has cried for "juicebox" for an hour. And he wants nothing I offer and I have tried to offer everything remotely related to "juice box".
He has ripped out 3 handfuls of my hair. Smacked me in the face a few times and launched a toy into my face. My cheek is throbbing now.
And I am trying to stay calm - when all I want to do his smack him back. Rip his hair out. Throw the toy back at him.
So much for a fun day with the boys. I wanted to take them swimming, but today is one of those days where I am leery of leaving the house with him. How will he behave and how will people react to his behaviour?
I have come to accept that people who don't know us judge my parenting based on his behaviour. They think he's just a brat who needs a good smack. To those people I just say "fuck you"...live my life for 1 day.
But it's just physically and mentally exhausting dealing with him on these off days.
So I decided to come and post while I am heated.
A) I wanted to give myself a snapshot of my emotions during a high anxiety moment
and
B) I needed to give myself a time-out
Just give me the strength to make it til 5.
posted by Irish @ 10:30 AM
2 Comments:
I've been staring at this post since yesterday trying to search my brain for something to say to you but keep coming up empty. On days like this, everything elicits a "fuck you". I try real hard to remind myself on bad days that a better one is around the corner but sometimes I'm just sick and tired of the bad days. I have nothing to offer but a "thank you" for being so honest. For what its worth, I think of you when I hate everything and remember that there's at least ONE other person on the planet that feels this way.
Hope you made it to 5:00pm.
you are a remarkable young woman , you give me the courage to go another day.I wish i had more to offer you,but at times like these nothing can really help.
I always try to think of my bad days as a few hours in a life time of hours.That kind of helps me to keep my prespective.... hang in there.
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