Still here.
Still friggin pregnant.
Scheduled for induction on Monday at 8am.
Please cross your fingers I go on my own before then.


I think I figured out why I blog less than I used to.
Sean and I had taken a drive with the boys on Sunday. We were on the highway and passed a Rav4 with the license plate that said PFLAG. There was a rainbow sticker on the back bumper. On the passenger side window was a sticker with a rainbow heart, in it said "I love My Gay Son"
I said to Sean "Pride Overload! Is that weird? Is that like advertising your son is gay?"
Sean of course replied "I dunno..."
Then I said "Is it weird that we have an Autism Awareness ribbon on the back of the van? Are we advertising that we have a child with autism?"



The past few days I have been thinking alot about what I put in here. I'm at a point where I'm thinking about how what I write in here could affect him. How will he feel if he reads "I hate being his mother" years from now?
Part of me feels like I need to stop, out of repsect for him.
I have found that I write when I'm pissed off, or not coping well. And it's been helpful. But I'm not sure, as he gets older, how much I should write about HIM.
Part of me wants to veer away from autism being the centre and focus of this blog. There is so much more to him than his diagnosis.
There is so much more to our family than us having a child with autism. Sure it's a part of it...but as he gets older, I think I need to focus more on other aspects of our family - like Cam and his love and tremendous skill at hockey.
I'd like my writing to reflect Cuyler as part of our package - our family of 5. And not him as a child with autism.
I think this blog will evolve and be more focussed on the family as a whole. Especially with a new baby coming (if it ever decides to show up). Our family dynamic is going to change tremendously. This baby will affect everyone. I don't want to solely focus on how it changes Cuyler's life.
I started this as a way for me to express what what living with a child on spectrum is like. I needed to back then when I started it. We were fresh into the life of living with a child with special needs. I needed something. But I think I'm beyond that. I myself have evolved from that point.

My sister just gave birth to a miracle baby girl on Saturday (hell ya - I'm totally jealous!). Little Marley Sparrow. They live on in British Columbia. We live in Ontario.
I'd also like to utilize this blog to keep us in touch and posted on how our babies are doing. Post pictures. Post updates.

So...the content may change somewhat. I think that I may post more now that I'm expanding what I'm writing about.

I hope that the next post I write includes a photo of our new baby.
I want it out.
I want the boys to meet their new brother or sister.
I want to know if we have a new son or a new daughter.
I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I've never been this pregnant before. Cam and Cuy were both born on their due dates. So this is really frustrating.