HE'S TOILET TRAINED!!!



Ummm...okay. He is SO NOT potty trained. Not even close. But he sure looks cute in boxer-briefs!

I've been thinking alot about the shoulda's, coulda's and woulda's this week. It's not healthy to that too often, but I do allow the feelings to surface. I deal with it and then move on.
It's been a bit emotional. This week was the week we would be registering Cuyler for kindergarten. He's eligible, but it is optional.
It's hard because all of his friends who are eligible (some are younger) have registered and will be starting junior kindergarten in September.
Just another reminder of where we're not. It's not a good way to think - but it happens sometimes.
It's hard to not go there.
All of the expectations of what I thought life would be like - they've had to change.
When I gave birth to Cuyler, I was elated that Cam had a brother. They'd be buddies, they'd play together, fight with each other. They are so close in age I was so glad I had another boy.
I imagined by now I would have 2 somewhat independent little boys.
Back then, when I thought ahead to Cuyler at 3 years old, I pictured a toilet trained little talker, going to regular nursery school and getting all set to join his big brother at Big Boy school.
The novelty of having 1 in senior kindergarten and the other in junior kindergarten.
I thought we'd go for family bike rides to the park. I was looking forward to them both being in swimming lessons and me not having to be in the water with them. I pictured us going for preschool skates.
Even mundane things like...I thought he'd be able to take showers by now. That would really come in handy for days when he shits his room.
I never thought he'd be on a diet this strict. Or this many supplements.
It is just not where I thought we'd be.
I was walking to the mailbox by myself this morning thinking "My kid is autistic. For real. That's reality for me." I cannot even go into the irony of that right now.
But, oh the fucking irony.

Enough.

I will ensure that the next entry will focus on the good things about our life. Because there are many.

Little things that I get every day make it good.
I was in the kitchen getting breakfast ready and heard Cam behind me playing with the LeapFrog fridge magnets.
"Juh...juh...juh...aww...awww...awww...shh...shh...shh...oooo...oooo"
And then he says "Is this how you spell Joshua?"
I turn around and see this.

The little boy in the photo is my cousins little guy - Joshua. He and Cuyler look so alike!