Well so far so good today. I think I can blog without using the F word.
This mornings routine went MUCH better. Although I was more prepared - clothes laid out and lunches mostly done.
Plus he had a great sleep last night.
As did I. After I blogged last night, I couldn't stand to hear Eva screaming any longer so I left. Went for a drive for about an hour. Went and got a tea from the drive thru and had a really good cry.
I think the reason I had dfficult time coping yesterday was because I'm having a hard time dealing with his birthday this year.
The 5 year mark is a big thing for me.
When he was 2.5 and I looked ahead to 5 - I had SOOOO much optimism. I felt like I had so much time and was confident that by 5 he would be fine. I was motivated. I was confident. I felt capable.
And lately I am not feeling very much of any of those things.
Maybe we're in a family funk. Seans not as motivated. I'm not.
Maybe because Eva isn't on a schedule yet, so alot of our day is spent up in the air not knowing when she'll sleep, when she'll wake up...
This time last year I was certain we'd be on track. By 10months old the baby would be on a schedule - the boys were at this age - and I could get my RDI time in with him. But my days are so mixed up from one to the other that I can't plan anything.
So today I will only do what I can.
I will use yesterday as a chance to start fresh. I don't want days like that anymore. I know they will happen. But I hope that I cope with them better.
I just have to get through this birthday without losing it.
posted by Irish @ 9:07 AM
6 Comments:
((HUGS)) we ALL have those days! most of ours start and end with my (NT) almost 5yo screaming at me about some thing- or really nothing. ("MOM! I have to tell you something!" but never tells me anything)
Glad you're feeling better today. It was smart of you to get out and have a good cry.
Birthdays can be really really rough. I still look at Henry and think that he's 6 and he's doing great for 6, and then I'm like "wait, he's 8 now."
Keep us posted.
I'm glad that today was better.
Hang in there!
It sounds like you are taking yesterday as an opportunity. That's so impressive. I wish I was half as self aware as you are!
I'm glad today is better, it does a while for the shock to wear off and the stomach knots to unwind...
Please think deeply about you need to help yourself and your family and ask for it.
Thinking of you always
Check out my blog...just my own little ramblings
Glad the day went better. I think one of the hardest things about autism (for me) is the pressure we always get about "early intervention is key...blah, blah, blah".
It's great knowing that they may improve a lot, but it sucks feeling as if it all depends on us.
Hang in there, he sounds like he is doing well overall (easy for me to say, right?) My four year old is rebelling like crazy now, and he's the only NT one!
Oh, I feel for you. As a mom of a ten (almost 11) year old daughter with autism, I have days like that -too many to count. And I - like you - keep plugging along. My daughter definately has made major gains between ages 5 and 10 and she still is, not as fast as I would like and not as much. I still have dreams (sometimes awake) that she is completely typical and I am not sure that will ever stop. But please know that you are being heard and understood!! I send my blessings, you sound like an awesome mom.
Susan (in US too)
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